Weddings (not mine)

I went to a wedding this weekend. A friend of mine (2nd wedding for her) married a man 50+ who has never been married! They are both very nice people and I wish them well. The wedding was a lots of fun and I met some lovely people, ate some great food and dance to a great Latin band (groom is 2nd generation Cuban). So, why am I feeling so irritable today? I'm not sure if the whole idea of people pledging to love each other "as long as we both shall live" sets off a train load of funky emotions in me, or I'm just not feeling right about where I am today.

As far as the "vows" thing goes, I can't help but hear it and wonder do they REALLY understand what that means? I know that I didn't have a clue in my 20s that I wasn't going to feel romantically in love with my spouse when I was 40 or for that matter 70! My parents made it look easy and my mother never sat me down and explained that some days you wake up and choose to love your spouse because you lost "that loving feeling." I know my ex and I'm sure many other exes out there did not know that either. Whenever I date a guy now and he says his ex wife and he " just fell out of love" I say "goodbye." People who say that still don't get it. EVERY COUPLE I know has fallen out of love at some point in their marriage. The "work" in a marriage the old timers (those couples you see interviewed on their 60th wedding anniversary) talk about is the falling BACK in love! I myself have never had the opportunity to fall back in love. But, I hope that one day I will marry again and when I promise to love "all the days of my life" I will understand what I am pledging to do and I will honor that vow. I will also make sure that my next husband understands that love is not a feeling all the time but it is ALWAYS a choice. I pray that my newly married friends know this too.

As for my not feeling right, I believe that has to do with being a 44 year old single mom who put some personal ambitions on the side to raise kids. At the wedding there were many 40 something professionals and I felt out of the loop. I used to be one of those and my ego felt less than because others have gone on to rise in their profession while I was at gym rompers and soccer practice. I made a choice (I am happy with my choice to quit practicing law to raise my kids) but for a moment everything I am not flashed before my eyes and I mourned it. What I have to do now is remember what I am. AS my father always said......"should haves, would haves, could haves don't count" I have much to be thankful for so I dwell on my blessings and live in the present--for that is all any of us truly have.