The 2nd Mrs.

Yesterday I wrote about how I was able to be Nice to and actually like the 2nd Mrs. Luckily, I did not have to meet her face to face for a good while after my husband left. If he would have paraded her in front of my children during those first 6 months, I probably would have killed them both and we never would have become friends (lesson--if you have a little something-something on the side when you separate or shortly thereafter, keep it private--not only is it going to ruin any chance of your children or your ex ever having a good relationship w/ the new "friend" but it is too painful for your ex and children to see right away.). Thankfully, my ex had the good sense to keep her on the DL. The kids never associated her with our divorce so they were able to love her for who she was to them and not what she did to their family. I took the high road (thanks to God) and realized it wasn't about her. If it wasn't her, it would have been somebody else, it was about my marriage and how it was broken before she came along. Thus, I was able to separate her from my divorce.

To be totally honest, when I first found out about her I was worried. I asked my therapist "what if he gets it right with her?" My therapist said "if nothing changes, nothing changes and since he hasn't changed......." Somehow this statement freed me, my therapist was right my ex only saw my part in the problems of our marriage so he thought-- get rid of her and problems go away. I actually began to sympathize with her because in my heart I knew the same thing would happen to her that happen to me. My fear was that they would have kids and then life would really get complicated when they divorced! I was right (not that I take great pride in that, I was sad when my ex told me he and Heidi were getting a divorce) and fortunately they did not have any kids. The sad part is that she had bonded to my kids and the ex wanted her to cease all contact with our children--my heart actually ached for her. Also, now Heidi is 35 single and wanting to be a mother while her biological clock is ticking away waiting for Mr. Right to come along (lesson--20somethings be aware of the married man who says "we just fell out of love"--if he can fall out of love with the mother of his children, he can easily fall out of love with you too!!! Then you too are 30 something back in the dating pool that is left with slim pickings)