The summer of 2000 my husband said he wanted a divorce and I thought my world had ended. Now its the summer of 2008 I just got back from a 2 week trip with a kind, sensitive, emotionally mature and available man who gets me and I'm here to tell you there is definitely life after divorce.
Most people jump into relationships to quickly after divorce. By the grace of God, advice of friends and my pathetic demeanor I was lucky enough to stay out of relationships for a good 4 years. This was such a blessing. At the time I had many pity parties over my aloneness but, once I got comfortable with it, I began to enjoy my freedom and spend my alone time figuring out me. I read self help books, I went to therapy, I prayed, and I spent time with good, caring friends (this list is not in any order of importance). Through my time alone I realized that my ex's departure was really an opportunity to get it right next time! I examined what I liked and what I didn't about my ex and our marriage. What was my part in it and what could I change so that the next time I would have a successful marriage? First, I realized I had a broken picker--I picked the wrong type of guys for me. Next, I expected the relationship to give me everything I needed. Finally, I expected the other person to change if I had a problem. So, I have spent the last couple of years focusing on fixing my picker and fixing me so I attract the type of man that works for me. Healthy people are attracted to healthy people and sick people to sick people. So, my only choice was to get healthy. If you keep picking losers, you might want to do some self examination! (No offense, I was the queen of picking jerks until I changed me. Now jerks don't find me interesting anymore!!!). The healthier I became, the less attracted I was to guys that were shallow, lazy and mean. I learned to spot a "taker" right away and steer clear of his poison. (my dad divided the world into givers and takers and he suggested I find a giver--I use to think that givers were "weak"--boy was I wrong!). Today I am proud to say my picker is healthy and working not only with men but with women friends as well. The man in y life today is a good pick for me. He is the first man in my life that I unconditionally love. I would not change a thing about him. I have know him for a year and have spent a good deal of time with him and on the phone. I can trust him with my most intimate thoughts and feelings and we can share our weaknesses as well as strengths. It is truly a mutually beneficial relationship. I never even dreamed that a relationship could be this real and this honest. What I do know is that both of us first worked on ourselves (he has been divorced 5 years) before we ever met (on a cruise ship in Alaska--go figure!). He doesn't need me to complete him and I don't need him. We just love sharing what we have with each other---it makes it that much better.
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