The first year continued

The day I found out about the other woman................... I always wondered if some other woman was involved in my ex's desire to bolt, but I had no concrete proof. Then, one day a friend called to see how I was doing and she was acting weird. I said "what is the matter?" She said that someone we both knew had seen my ex with a blonde at the casino acting very "friendly." I went to pieces. If he was going through a mid-life crisis, I thought maybe he'd get over it and come back. But, if another woman was involved (especially a younger one) the chances of him coming back were zero.

I know.........why did I want him back if was seeing someone else or treating unkind? Today, eight years later, I see the error in my thinking. But this was only about 2 months after we had seperated and I had not emotionally broken the marriage bond. I was still technically married and I believed in marriage the two become one and that meant half of me was now gone. The divorce literally felt like someone was taking my heart and ripping it in two. I wanted to get rid of the pain and, at that time, I believed the only way the pain would end is if he would come back. I was wrong, but it took me several years to understand and actually feel whole all by myself.

When I got off the phone with my friend, I packed the kids up and went straight to my mothers. If I was going to have a nervous breakdown, somebody needed to watch the kids. When I got there I asked my dad to play with the kids and I took my mother back to her bedroom and I began sobbing uncontrollably. I told her what my friend had said. I was so skinny that I was cold all the time and I began shivering. My mom put a blanket around me and hugged me for awhile. Then my mother did the most incredible thing I have ever seen my mother do--she slapped me! She was worried that I was losing it so, she wacked me across the face and said "I know he hurt you Danielle but you have two little boys out there who need their mother so get it together!" WOW, that got my attention!! My mother never slapped me my entire life and here she was slapping me at 36. She was, as usual, right (if I had listen to my mother more oh what pain I would have avoided). I licked my wounds for a little while longer, washed my face and went to play with my children. Years later (story for another blog) that blonde and I became good friends and when she became ex #2, we cried together. Life is funny---if you are open to it. God has a great sense of humor, look for it!