the first year continued

Yesterday I wrote about how I used my post separation weight lost to punish my ex (joke was on me!). Today I thought I would talk about why people gain weight while going through a divorce. I've always viewed gaining weight as a way to put up a physical barrier between me and the rest of the world. Sure, people eat when they are under stress and they use food to numb themselves --I've done both. However, just as I was trying to send a message to my ex (and the rest of the world) by not eating, I believe packing on the lbs post separation is another way to send a message without using words. Perhaps the message is-- If I get fat other people will not ask me out so I won't have to worry about getting hurt again. Or maybe it is---see I don't care anymore what people think. I believe it can also be the same message as the one I was trying to convey through starving myself--look how miserable I am, you really hurt me! Whatever the message we are trying to say through our body, we need to realize the only person we are hurting is ourselves and perhaps our children who need us so desperately in times of family turmoil. I thank God my children were too young to notice that mommy looked sick (although my 4 year old would ask me not to smoke!). Our children will feed off of our emotions during divorce (I know it is added pressure but think of it as a blessing. If you did not have children you might never get out of the bed again but, you have to for them and that is the starting point to healing). So, look in the mirror today and say to yourself; "_____________ (name of ex) has taken enough from me, I am going to claim my health back today. I will eat right, I will take a walk, I will breath and most importantly I will treat myself with kindness---just for today...................